Dealing with Loss
“Our upbringing has much to do with whether we deal with loss correctly, but there is no reason to allow yourself to remain a victim when by choice you can become a victor…”
— Rick Cox
Loss of any sort is often one of the hardest things in life with which we have to deal. Loss, depending on what type is also that which most of us greatly fear. It can be experienced in so many ways, for instance the loss of something or someone you love. This may be an item which you value, a pet, a friend, a promotion, money, credit, home, job, one of your five senses, one of your limbs or their use, speech, spouse, child or family member. The process of learning to deal with loss and its effects start early, in life.
Loss of any sort is often one of the hardest things in life with which we have to deal. Loss, depending on what type is also that which most of us greatly fear. It can be experienced in so many ways, for instance the loss of something or someone you love. This may be an item which you value, a pet, a friend, a promotion, money, credit, home, job, one of your five senses, one of your limbs or their use, speech, spouse, child or family member. The process of learning to deal with loss and its effects start early, in life.
As an example, a baby of only several months old, may pick something up off the floor they shouldn’t have with the result being the object is removed from their grasp. The response of the baby is to cry. The child had something it saw and liked, which was taken away thus causing the child to suffer the loss of something they wanted. Although the child suffered loss at that age the child did not know why. As we travel through the years, this type of loss will continue thereby, exposing and forcing us to deal with it in each and every aspect of life. Often we know why things may have happened, but more often than not there is no good reason. Regardless of whether we know the reason or not, something bad happened causing us to suffer loss. Our response to that which happened will determine if we are going to move forward in life or be hindered because we are full of angst.
We all respond to loss differently, for example, one might have a tougher time with the loss of a pet than they do a family member. One might have a tougher time dealing with the loss of money than they do the loss of a friend or family member. The unfortunate truth is we may not have been taught how to deal with the loss of that which we value most. Our upbringing has as much to do with what we value as the fact we are often shielded from having to deal with loss by Mom or Dad. We also learn our response process through watching a Mother pull a child’s hand away from something hot. From watching others respond or react to that which they have done or through the default of doing that which helps reduce or put off the pain. The truth is if we had been taught to deal with the loss in the right way we would not be trying to suppress or hide from it and you would be in the driver’s seat rather than in the back seat being taken for the ride.
Loss is an aspect of life’s journey one cannot avoid for it is inevitable for us to lose things we value. The issue is how are we going to deal with or respond to the loss? As stated above, many default to pushing the emotion of the loss deep down inside; as if to hide the emotion so they will not have to deal with it. The problem with doing this is the energy of the emotion is still there and this energy when suppressed becomes a destructive rather than positive force (through fear). Keeping this negative energy inside you will eventually bring about negative effects on the outside of your life. Therefore, it is best to deal with the loss by facing it rather than hiding from it. When one faces and deals with the emotion of these losses they will have contained these energies, as if bottling them up, to be used later in a positive manner when necessary, rather than allowing the energy to become a negative force bringing about future destruction.
Dealing with loss properly requires at least the following two things: The first is learning to deal with the emotion. When one learns to respond properly rather than suppress or hide from the emotions they will have gone through this episode of life growing from the experience. They will also learn that keeping it on their shoulder or wearing it on their sleeve will allow it to rule and ruin their life. They will learn by going all the way through the experience how to place the emotion where it belongs, which is where they can call on it when they need to help someone else dealing with the same thing.
Secondly, we need to learn to face the fear. Not dealing with the emotion of the loss to begin with is a sign of fear. What happened was the fear of it kept us from dealing with it so, we suppressed it in hopes it might go away. Remember that which we fear will come on us for fear and faith work the same way with one large exception; one attracts that which is negative while the other attracts the positive.
Like it or not, from the day we were born we were destined to die and based on what you believe this could be the ultimate loss. We will all eventually experience the loss of life as we know it on this planet. Until I was in my late forties I feared death so much my palms would sweat just thinking about it so, I did my best not to think about it, which in actuality kept me thinking about it. What this did was to fuel my fear even more. I feared death for my brothers and parents. I feared death for anyone, even my pets, which is why I didn’t want pets for so long.
Finally, I did face this fear for I looked it in the face to see what it was that death could do to me. Yes, it might cut me short of fulfilling all my dreams, but I had already fulfilled many. It might cut me short on being with my family or it might cut me short of living a long life, but were these items that which filled me with such great fear? The answer to that for me was no. What I found to be the greatest fear for me was the loss of dealing with whatever needed to be dealt with when I had the opportunity. I found the ultimate loss for me was not to have the opportunity to say what had been left unsaid for too long. I found it was no longer being able to say I was sorry or unable to make amends. I found it was no longer being able to say I love you. What I found was the best thing to do was to do what needed to be done NOW while you had the chance. Don’t wait, for waiting may be the ultimate loss.
On behalf of those of us who believe that life on this planet is only a small portion of our journey, it isn’t the end for it is only a phase like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. To others who believe life starts and stops here it may be their ultimate loss. I choose to believe this is only a small portion of my eternal journey. I choose to believe there is a higher power. I choose to see the beauty of God’s creation rather than just the devastation. This has helped me deal with the loss of others and has more importantly helped me deal with the eventual death of my physical body.
Best of LUCK as you
Labor Under Correct Knowledge…
Respectfully,
Rick Cox