Helping Others thru Leadership

“Discover that the most powerful way to help those you love is to lead by example – then realize you are leading by
example ALL OF THE TIME…” — Joe Caruso

Your circle of influence encompasses your spouse, children, extended family, colleagues, friends, acquaintances and even those who serve at your favorite breakfast, lunch or dinner place. Their lives have the potential to be influenced and shaped by everything you say and do. With that being said I ask you the question, “Do your words match your actions or are they different around different groups of people?” Most people have a sincere desire to help others so long as they can do it at arm’s length. Stating this differently, they do it giving money or pointing in a certain direction. The best and most effective way to help anyone however, is by leading them, not by throwing money at them or pointing in a certain direction.

Ah, but the leadership aspect is where you will begin lose many of those who say they want to help. The reason for this is simple: giving money is much easier and less invasive than giving someone of your time, for when you give of your time you are in essence placing yourself in a position of leadership. In this position those you help just might find out a few things about you that you don’t want them to know such as you are not what you appear to be on the surface, or not what you say, and portray yourself to be.

The exposing of the true self is the toughest thing about being a leader as well as a big reason many don’t choose to lead. The other side is there are those who do choose to lead, but once others find out who and what they really are they wind up failing. The failure is due to their unwillingness to change or become what it takes to be a true leader. They would just as soon be who the deceptive people they are yet still lead. They would just as soon be acting the part, but not living it. Once people find out they are not genuinely concerned for anyone but themselves, they quit following and the leadership fails.

Parents are guilty of this often telling a child to do as I say and not as I do. Obviously this is not leading as it winds up causing confusion in the child. Then it causes the child to become angry and rebellious often doing the exact opposite of what the parent advises or demands. This type of leadership can be seen in most of those leading today. It is the reason there is so much rebellion in the military as well as in governments all over the world, including America. These supposed leaders are not leaders as they offer no example by which to live. They point and tell others how to behave and live while they live and behave differently; as if they are better or above those they are supposedly leading.

Many of us grew up under the do as I say and not as I do example and although we might have questioned it, we were quickly put in our place with the use of verbiage and body language that left us either shaking in our boots or broken or both. In some cases this broke the child’s spirit and in others it caused the child to grow stronger, bolder and rebellious eventually forging his/her own path and ideas in which to follow.

The do as I say and not as I do leader is one that likes to lead, but doesn’t want others to know their true character. They know their life is not an example by which to follow or live, but they like being above those around them as this is how they feel while leading others. Eventually some of those close to them see the cracks in their armor and thus their true character is exposed to all. The leader reacts to this exposure as if being caught in a personal assault and attacks those around them. Rather than humbling themselves and making the necessary changes toward true leadership and a better character, they lash out at all causing damage to everyone including themselves.

In many marriages this is the nature of the husband. The husband is supposed to provide leadership, but having a poor self-image, he is thus all too aware of his own character flaws and dents in his own armor. As a result he hides not wanting others to know of his short falls. He is unable to allow his wife to get to close as she just might find out he is not what he appears to be on the surface and if she finds out he isn’t what she thought, she might dump him. This causes him to fear allowing anyone to get to know him including his children.

As a result what little leadership he had or was given based on his position in the family wanes and becomes of no affect. His reaction to this is to attack those in his family as well as those around him for he has not learned it is better to work harder on yourself than it is on your job. This attacking keeps those around him at a distance where he believes they will no longer be able to see his faults.

A true leader is aware of the fact they are leading. They are aware of the fact others are watching. They are aware of the fact their lives are an example others can and should be able to emulate and thereby, be able to produce the same results. They are not fearful of being watched or emulated for they know their lives represent an example that will help those who are struggling to not only do as well, but possibly better. They know they are not perfect and do not try and project they are, but do their best to not only work harder on themselves than they expect out of others, they make sure others know they are a work in progress.

This is the leader who has discovered the most powerful way to help those around them they love is to lead by example ALL OF THE TIME.

Best of LUCK as you
Labor Under Correct Knowledge…


Rick Cox