Letting Go Part 1
“It is truly sad that many are never able to enjoy their tomorrows simply because they were never able to let go of yesterday…” — Rick Cox
Four boys were born to my Mom and Dad over half a century ago of which, I am the oldest. Like most, we had our struggles growing up. Unfortunately, there are only three of us left now as the brother just younger than me passed away due to ALS or Lou Gehrig’s disease at the age of fifty two. The third brother, probably the smartest, definitely the most gifted and talented of the four, has by far had the most “hellacious bad” life of anyone I have known or read about. He has lived a downward spiral since he was seventeen years old having been in and out of alcohol and drug rehabs as well as trouble with authorities most of his life.
There was even a time when he was beaten by the California police and as a result, spent over four weeks in the hospital followed up by several months of physical and psychological therapy. This was before the Rodney King fiasco. Like Rodney, my brother was on Meth, which can put one in a state of having what would seem to be supernatural strength. So much so, it required nine policemen to subdue him. Originally two policemen tried to arrest him, but he threw them around like rag dolls. They called for another and another until they had nine policemen. Just think of it, nine policemen to subdue one man. This “belligerent” super human strength is what causes the physical violence from the police seeing as how they had no access to sedatives or even a Taser or stun gun back then.
This is such a sad story as my brother was once viewed by talent scouts as a promising major league player whose potential was never realized. Married once, with one son, the marriage didn’t last as my brother was never around; not much of a husband and even less of a father. My brother lived a similar life to one of our grandfathers as he was always running from responsibility and living in a make believe world.
Sometime later my brother had once again been arrested and incarcerated. The rest of the brothers learned about it at birthday dinner for my Mom. We were not surprised by this for it had been a common occurrence for more than thirty five years. A few days after Mom’s birthday, I called my parents’ house to ask Dad to breakfast. During the call, Mom and I talked for a while prior to her handing the phone to my Dad. While talking to Mom, she mentioned how depressed my brother was, as well as how bad he felt for letting everyone down. Due to many years of drug addiction, he winds up suffering with periods of manic depression, which often keep him awake for days at a time with his mind reeling, his body rushing, his depression deepening. He so fears these, he will do anything to avoid them, including stealing from his own family to obtain any drug in the hopes of numbing himself through. She went on to tell me how my Dad made his normal comments regarding his disappointment in my brother, as he had done so many times in the past.
Previous to this episode, this particular brother and my Dad had been hanging out for the first time in many years. They were actually talking; with my hopes being they could talk through much of what I felt was the underlying cause of my brother’s situation. For months they had been hanging out a few days a week, with my brother getting leave from the half-way house to stay with our parents. My brother even told me how Dad had opened his heart regarding things of which he had never previously spoken. Unfortunately, this was not to last, for even though there was some healing taking place, the every fifteen to eighteen month event of these depressions was just around the corner.
We had watched these bouts for almost thirty years and knew this would be exactly how it had been in the past. We knew to what he would resort and we knew where this would lead. It was always the same. That same tape would play as it had so many times before and he would wind up going down the same road as he had so many times before we were as sure of it. The thing is he was sure of it as well. That being said we were as much a part of the problem as was his thinking. It was what was in his heart that was the issue. It was what was in our hearts that was the issue too.
This is not unlike many of us who wind up falling back into our old ways and going through the same motions rather than starting afresh and anew. I realize this is easier said than done, but it can be done and many a successful person has done it and so can you. It takes a quality decision and persistence to follow through, but once this decision is made you are a long ways down the road to turning your life around.
Best of LUCK as you
Labor Under Correct Knowledge…
Respectfully,
Rick Cox