Self Talk and Validation
“It is what we think of ourselves in our heart that separates us from becoming and being all we are capable of and meant to be…” — Rick Cox
Loss is often one of the hardest things in life with which we have to deal. It is also that which most of us greatly fear. The experience of loss can be felt in so many ways, from the loss of something we value and cherish to the loss of someone we love. Napoleon Hill said it this way in his book, ‘Outwitting the Devil’:
1. We fear poverty, which equals the loss of our money thereby, losing the ability to be able to live in the manner to which we were once accustomed.
2. We fear criticism, which equals the loss praise or losing favor.
3. We fear ill health, which equals the loss of health.
4. We fear old age, which is the loss of youth.
5. We fear loneliness, which is loss of love.
6. We fear death, which is the loss of life as we know it.
Above we find the six major fears of loss in our lives. What is interesting is the process of learning to deal with loss, and its effects start early in life. As an example, a baby of only several months may pick up something from the floor, which isn’t good for them, with the result being that something is removed from their grasp. The response of the baby is to cry. The child had something it saw and liked, which was taken away thus, causing the child to suffer the loss of something they wanted. Although the child suffered loss at that age the child did not know why. As we grow older, we will be exposed not only to different types of loss, but to very great depths of loss as well. It would then be best to learn to deal with loss in each and every aspect of life.
Unfortunately, it seems few ever do. There are times when we know why things happened, but more often than not there is no good reason other than something bad happened. It will be how we respond to the loss, which determines whether we move forward or are hindered because we are full of anger and hatred.
It is important to remember, we all respond to loss differently. For example, one might have a tougher time with the loss of a pet or money than with the loss of a friend or family member. The unfortunate truth is few of us have been taught how to deal with the loss of that which we value most. This is due to what we have learned as we grow from child to adult. For the majority our upbringing has much to do with what we value and that is simply because many of us are shielded from having to deal with loss by Mom or Dad. We learn to respond through the ‘natural course’ process. This is the process of pulling ones hand away from something hot. In other words we learn by feel. There is also the process of learning by watching others. All of it boils down to doing what helps reduce or put off the pain, which is to suppress or hide from it. If we had been taught to deal with the loss in the right way we would not be trying to suppress or hide from it. We would face it and deal with it up front.
Loss is an aspect of life’s journey one cannot avoid for it is inevitable for us to lose things we value. The issue is how are we going to deal with or respond to the loss? As stated above, many default to pushing the emotion of the loss deep down inside; as if to hide the emotion so they will not have to deal with it. The problem with doing this is the energy of the emotions is still there and this energy when suppressed more often than not becomes a destructive rather than positive force (through fear). Keeping this negative energy inside you will eventually bring about negative effects on the outside of your life. Therefore, it is best to deal with the loss by facing it rather than hiding from it. When one faces and deals with the emotion of these losses they will be channeling as well as containing these energies, as if bottling them. This allows the energy to be used later in a positive manner when necessary, rather than allowing the energy to become a negative force bringing about future destruction.
Dealing with loss properly requires at least these two things: The first, we need to learn to face the fear. Not dealing with the emotion of the loss to begin with is a sign of fear. What happens is the fear of it keeps us from dealing with it so, we suppress it in hopes it might go away. Secondly, we must learn to deal with the emotion. When we learn to respond properly rather than suppress or hide from the emotions we will have gone through the entire episode having grown from the experience. On the other hand keeping it on our shoulder or wearing it on our sleeve will allow it to rule and ruin our life. We learn by going all the way through the experience, how to best place the emotion where it belongs. When it is placed where it belongs we can call on it when necessary using it to help others dealing with the same issues. Remember that which we fear will come on us for fear and faith work the same way with ONE LARGE EXCEPTION; fear attracts the negative while faith attracts the positive.
Like it or not, from the day we were born we were destined to die and, based on what you believe this could be the ultimate loss. We will all eventually experience the loss of life as we know it on this planet. Until I was in my late forties I feared death so much my palms would sweat just thinking about it so, I did my best not to think about it, which kept me thinking about it even more, which fueled my fear rather than controlling it. I feared death for my brothers and parents. I feared death for anyone, even my pets, which is why I didn’t want pets for so long. Finally, I began to face this fear. I looked it in the face to see what it was that death could do to me. Yes, it might cut me short of fulfilling all my dreams, but I have already fulfilled many. It might cut me short on being with my family or living a longer life, but were these items the basis of that which filled me with such fear?
I found the answer in most cases to be the loss of dealing with whatever needed to be dealt with when I had the opportunity. I found the ultimate loss is not being able to say what has been left unsaid for too long. I found it is no longer being able to say I am sorry or to make amends. It is no longer being able to say I love you. The best approach to life is to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done and do it NOW, while you have the chance. Don’t wait for later or tomorrow for that may be the ultimate loss.
On behalf of those who believe that life on this planet is only a small portion of our journey, the end of life on this planet isn’t the end, it is only a phase like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. To others who believe life starts and stops here it may be their ultimate loss. I choose to believe this is only a small portion of my eternal journey. I choose to believe there is a higher power. I choose to see the beauty of God’s creation rather than just the devastation. This has helped me deal with the loss of others as well as the eventual death of my physical body. I hope you are able to find the same.
Best of LUCK as you
Labor Under Correct Knowledge…