Victim or Victor Part 1

“How you respond to that which happens to you will let those around you know if you are a victim or victor…” — Rick Cox

Part 1

From the time we are but infant children we begin watching how others respond to that which happens to them. We watch them to the point of mimicking the actions of those that are older. Unfortunately, this can and usually does lead to the development of negative traits and behavioral patterns, which we would not want to have taught to our children. Never the less, our children pick these up by simply watching us or someone else in or around the family they happen to admire. Of the many negative traits one can pick up, I believe one of the worst is that of becoming or always playing “the victim.”

The victim trait can and will leave you helpless to do anything about what has or is happening in your life; that is why “you are the victim.” It is a very sad place to be, but an even worse place to remain. I know, as I have had firsthand experience of watching this trait; for it was most predominant in our larger extended family and in my immediate family as well. It was as if life was not complete unless they made sure each and every circumstance became a major disaster even though, a proper response would more than likely have assuaged or alleviated the situation.

It is sad to watch as these same people use the misfortune of a hard or unfortunate childhood to make excuses for why they could not or did not do what would have made their life and the lives of those around them, better. They use the, “I’ve been a victim” excuse for why they have not or cannot change; they use it for why their lives are miserable yet, all the while do nothing to distance themselves from or properly respond to that which brought the suppression or victimization in the first place. It is as if they need this victim badge as a reason for their value and existence however, they also use it to get others to feel sorry for and pay attention to them.

If you were to watch the lives of these people, you would see they go from one drama to the next as if thriving on it; unable to live or get through the day without it. Their lives are centered on drama and turmoil. Unfortunately, this drama and turmoil is felt by all around them, child or adult. The children in most cases pick up the trait and wind up doing the same while, those adults who do not share or believe in this particular life style, will do what they can to avoid being around them. You may have been raised in a similar environment for it seems as if this group is inclusive of a great many, me included. However, you do not have to allow what you observed as a child to continue to hold you to being and playing the victim. YOU can make the decision to run your own life as well as control your own destiny and be a victor.

You may ask, “How do I do that?” The answer becomes apparent when you make the connection between thoughts and things. When you come to recognize your own predominant thoughts and beliefs actually do become reality, and are in fact the reality in your life even now, then you will be on the right road to doing something about it. For, there will be no outward change without first changing the cause and the cause for why you are what you are is on the inside. The only way to change the inside is to change the way you think as well as what you think about. You have to stop seeing and believing yourself to be the victim.

To the contrary you must start seeing yourself as the victor. In order to see yourself as a victor you may have to stop listening to the news and instead begin listening to that which encourages and builds your spirit. It may require that you no longer allow yourself to be put in a place where you are constantly victimized, which for many is difficult as this has happened over a long period of time; usually from childhood therefore, getting out of the situation will not be as easy as just getting up and walking away; but that may be none the less necessary.

Although as an adult, you are where you are as the result of your own choosing, it is not often easy to remain in your current surrounding circumstances and do what is necessary to change on the inside. It is best not to have to change your outer circumstances and situations for these are only a reflection of what is inside. On the other hand, it is often necessary to change what is around you first before you will be able to change what is on the inside. This may be true of a job, a marriage, or a friendship; or any relationship for that matter. Therefore, you may need to change jobs, take a breather from a friend or even separate from a spouse.

Please allow me to stress the importance of recognizing it is not the people or circumstances around you that is the problem; IT IS YOUR THINKING. Yes, it may take moving away from these influences to give yourself enough of a chance to change your thinking, but it is you that must change or being a victim, will never change.

On the other hand I am amazed at people who are able to take what would appear to be a horrible lot in life and turn it into something positive. Often with little to no formal education as well as little or no parental support or guidance they do not allow circumstances to keep them down. We have all seen them; the ones having to deal with and overcome horrific childhoods and or tragedies leaving them physically impaired or scarred; emotionally and psychologically battered and beat down; dealing with the loss of a spouse or child or having to grow up not knowing who their mother and father were as they were passed from foster home to foster home. All the while they are somehow able to reach inside finding that which is within each one of us, but also that which few ever dig deep enough to obtain.

I watch as those who emigrate here from other countries enter into a strange land with a strange culture and become successful while those born here are somehow oblivious to the opportunities all around them. Why does this happen? The simple truth in most cases is, if you are strong enough to leave all and travel to a strange country to find your pot of gold, more often than not you are going to find it. The fact you had the guts to do so is what gave you the ability to reach within and make it happen.

On the other hand, YOU can be victorious if that is what you choose. It will however, take some discipline on your part. By following a few simple rules you can effect a change in your core, that is your subconscious mind, and therefore, change what is happening to you on the outside. It will require you to write down that you are victorious in your life. Write it morning and night for 21 days. I say this because it takes 21 days to create a habit. Writing it makes an indelible imprint on your subconscious mind. Read it several times after writing it and all during the day. Soon, you will find yourself not only beginning to see it, but you will begin to believe it as well. Sounds simple, BUT it is not as easy to follow through as it may sound. Others may make fun of you calling what you are doing stupid. Ignore them and move forward. Trust me; you will be glad you did. By the way, this little discipline works for many areas of your life. Give it a try and find out for yourself…

Best of LUCK as you
Labor Under Correct Knowledge…


Rick Cox